Does a better sex life make for a happier life? Does sexual fulfillment have an impact on our overall health and well-being?
Many people view their sex life as separate from the rest of their life, but there is consistent evidence linking sexual activity and satisfaction and overall quality of life. Sexual fulfillment can cause a positive ripple effect that can contribute to many positive outcomes, one of them being improved sense of mental and physical health.
So I guess the real question is, are you happy and satisfied with your sex life? Is your partner?
Improving The Way We Communicate About Sex
Despite sex being such an Important aspect of our relationship, it somehow continues to be one of the hardest things to actually talk about.
For some reason, communicating your sexual likes and dislikes is so difficult that even some of the most outspoken people struggle with it.
It feels so vulnerable and scary. When you try, you feel your nerves creating knots in your stomach and making your face as red as a stoplight. Those sensations do just that, act like a giant stoplight, so you stop yourself and recoil in silence hoping your partner somehow figures out all of your deepest desires, just like movies.
If You're Not Talking About Sex, You're Not Having The Best Sex
If you and your partner can push past the discomfort, listening to each other openly and respectfully, your sexual and emotional satisfaction will increase.
There are many things that should be negotiated and communicated to lead to more satisfying sex lives for you and your partner. To help guide your conversation and learn more about each other, here is are some questions:
How frequently would you like to have sex?
What makes sex, good sex?
What kind of atmosphere do like?
How much foreplay do like, what specifically?
What are your favorite positions?
Do you like or want to try sex toys?
Do you like rougher or more gentle sex?
Still Feel Nervous? Try the Activity Below!
Defining the language you both are comfortable with when beginning this discussion for the first time can be a great place to start. This exercise can be a fun, silly way to make it comfortable to start talking about sex, and start feeling more satisfied in the bedroom.
Materials:
2 Pieces of paper
2 Pencils
Steps:
Both you and your partner make a chart with 4 columns.
In the first column, you write the names of as many body parts as you can imagine may be associated with sexuality. Feel free to list the obvious, but don’t rule out the more creative and less obvious body parts too! Try to use the anatomically correct term for these body parts in this column.
In the second column, write the term(s) you would prefer to have used when you are TALKING about this body part with you partner.
In the third column, write the term(s) you would prefer you partner use to refer to this body part while you are in the midst of ENGAGING in sexual act.
In the fourth column, write a term(s) that you NEVER want to be used in any context to refer to this body part.
For example: Column1: “butt” Column2: “backside” Column3: “ass” Column4: “behind”
Then (here’s where it gets interesting!) share your list and your language preferences with your partner. Reserve judgment of yourself AND your partner- nothing is too prudish, nothing is too crude. Allow yourself to laugh and get embarrassed, but commit to saying all the words out loud!
You can use this exercise to discuss all types of turn ons and turn offs regarding dirty talk. If you had fun or would like more of a challenge, do the exercise again, but instead of body parts try sexual acts! Don't give up! Soon you'll have jedi-level communication!